


Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

by reymanova (costiellie)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Excessive use of italics, F/M, and yikes @ self why are you like this, i didn't realize how many times i put things in italics until i was doing all the html of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-14 23:38:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7195871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/costiellie/pseuds/reymanova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Daisy and Hunter find out about The Scene, but everyone else already seems to know. (A post-3x22 AU where Huntingbird are with SHIELD and Daisy didn’t go rogue and Lincoln is alive and everyone is happy and LISTEN I JUST WANT MY BABIES SAFE AND ALIVE PLEASE YES THANK YOU.)</p><p>Rated T for language and subject matter, but there is neither actual sex nor explicit description of sex to be found in this fic. Be impressed that I even used the o-word, honestly. I seriously considered taking it out because I am a Weenie™.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

**Author's Note:**

> As a ~~pretty much definitely ace~~ human there is absolutely nothing I hate more than talking about sex. The irony is not lost on me, then, that I just wrote a fic consisting almost exclusively of talking about sex. 
> 
> Special thanks to those of you who helped me out re: my alcohol questions on tumblr, as I know exactly nothing about alcohol and was completely hopeless. (I'm reymanova over there, by the way!)
> 
> Unbetaed.

After everything went down, Daisy was insistent upon a girls’ night. Gossip and alcohol, she claimed, was an important part of any working female friendship, and she wasn’t going to let a crazy, power-hungry Inhuman with an especially horrifying version of Grant Ward’s face ruin her fun. Or her track record in hosting semi-annual girls’ nights.

As usual, May declined, but Daisy didn’t even complain all that much because she was too excited about Yoyo “losing her ladies of SHIELD girls’ night virginity.” Yoyo looked vaguely horrified, but graciously accepted the invitation nonetheless. (Not that it was much of an invitation. Only May had ever dared to decline.)

They were a few beers in when the talk turned to relationships. Things started out as usual: Daisy gushed about Lincoln, Bobbi complained fondly about Hunter, and then they put Jemma on the hot seat, looking at her expectantly. There was a pregnant pause.

Usually this was where she denied any and all romantic entanglement with Fitz. Then, after Daisy’s poking and prodding, Bobbi’s interrogation, and a bit of a push from the buzz that was quickly turning into tipsiness, Jemma would give in, letting the girls hear tidbits of information. (Their conclusion was always the same: Simmons was impressively in love with Fitz, and she was impressively unaware of how _much_ she was in love with Fitz. The only person she was fooling, of course, was Fitz. She could hardly be considered to be fooling herself.)

Instead, Jemma blurted, “Fitz and I had sex.” 

Daisy promptly choked on her drink.

Bobbi pounded good-naturedly on Daisy’s back, smiling, as the younger woman recovered from her momentary shock. To her credit, Yoyo looked only wide-eyed. 

“You _what_?!” Daisy spluttered, wiping off her mouth with the back of her hand. 

In response, Simmons took a swig of her beer. 

“I – Jemma. When? Where? What? How? Wait… I don’t know if I need to know the answers to all of those questions.” Then she paused, considering what she had just said. “Actually no, I do. When? Where? What? How?”

Jemma looked at Bobbi pleadingly, but the woman only gave an encouraging smile. While she looked considerably less shocked than Daisy, Bobbi clearly wanted to know the details just as much as Daisy did. Jemma sighed, acquiescing. “In Bucharest.”

“Bucharest? Oh my god, I knew it!” Daisy exclaimed, jumping up and down in her seat, before realizing that in reality she had no context whatsoever, and she did not, in fact, know it. “Wait, Bucharest? What the fuck? I get kidnapped by an evil Inhuman for _one week_ and I miss _everything_.”

Jemma rolled her eyes. “We were there with Mack on a mission, as you will recall.” Daisy’s eyes glazed over for a moment, thinking about what had gone down that night, before she shook her head, clearing away the ugly memories and bringing herself back to the gossip at hand. 

“What, so you just snuck a quickie in when Mack was–“

“Daisy!” Jemma admonished. “We did no such thing!”

“Then tell us what happened,” Daisy prodded, leaning over and giving Simmons a conspiratorial nudge for good measure. 

“Ugh, fine,” Simmons said, bringing her hands up to her neck and resting them there. _Nervous tick number one_ , Bobbi noted silently, _check_. “We had booked a hotel room to use as a base camp and rendezvous point. And, well, you know what happened on the mission. But we all got back to the rendezvous eventually. When Fitz returned, Mack was out doing some repairs on the quinjet–“

“So you did have a quickie!”

“–No, Daisy. We did not. And if you’d let me finish the story,” Jemma said with a pointed glare, “you would know that.”

“Okay, fine, fine.” Daisy mimed zipping her mouth shut and throwing away the key. “Go on.”

* * *

“So you had sex with the girl of your dreams and then didn’t tell _anyone_? Holy shit, Fitz!” Hunter cried, face contorted in a look that can only be described as _flabbergasted_. 

“I think you’re the only one who didn’t figure it out immediately, Hunter,” Mack said, chuckling.

Hunter turned his attention to the other two men in their presence. “Sparky? Melty?”

“Melty?” Joey repeated skeptically, his facial expression somewhere in between offended and confused.

Hunter squinted. “The name’s a work in progress. Seriously, though. Did you know?”

Joey shrugged, looking to Mack for help, but receiving only a surrendering hand gesture in response. Clearly, he was on his own with this one. “I mean, I sort of guessed?” 

“They’re not exactly good at hiding it,” Lincoln added, rescuing Joey from an interrogation. He turned to Fitz. “I mean, no offense, because I’m happy for you and all, but you’re a bit like teenagers, giddy about their new relationship and unable to keep their hands off of each other. Although for no lack of trying. We all appreciate the effort.” Fitz hid behind his beer bottle, half-smiling, half-grimacing as the others stared at him, knowing glints in their eyes.

“Wait,” Hunter said suddenly, as if a light bulb went off in his head. “Are you two properly dating now?”

Fitz’s mouth dropped open and his brow furrowed in mock-offense. “Do I look to you like the kind of person who would dare have a one-night stand with their lab partner? And best friend of over a decade?”

“Who you’ve been head-over-heels in love with for longer than I’ve known either of you,” Mack supplemented.

Fitz's cheeks tinged pink. “Yeah, that too.”

“I guess not,” Hunter said, and then smiled, reaching out to give Fitz a good-natured, if not a bit aggressive, slap on the back. “In that case, congrats, mate. You both deserve it.” He lifted up his drink in a wordless toast and the others did the same. There was a comfortable silence for a moment as they each took a sip from their respective beers, until Hunter exclaimed, “Wait! Remember last year when you said you had told a girl how you felt but she didn’t feel the same way, so she left? Were you talking about _Simmons_?”

Fitz put his head in his hands with a groan. “Oh my god.” 

Mack shook his head, disbelieving, while Lincoln and Joey looked on as if they were watching a three-way tennis match.

“Fitz! Mate!” Hunter was completely beside himself as he turned to face Fitz head-on. “I need everything, from the beginning. Now.”

* * *

“Hold up. Let me get this straight,” Daisy said. “You, Jemma Simmons. And Leopold Fitz. Made out with each other. _Months_ ago. And you didn’t tell _anyone_ about it?”

“Okay, I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was _making out_ ,” Jemma refuted.

“His name is Leopold?” Yoyo muttered. Bobbi scoffed and nodded at the other woman, whose face lit up in a mix of surprise and amusement.

Daisy, however, hadn’t even heard Yoyo – she was in tunnel vision mode. “It doesn’t matter. Where did this little argument slash make out sesh happen?”

Jemma looked sheepish. “In the lab?”

“In the – Jemma! You defiled your so-called _pristine_ workspace by making out with your co-worker in it? That is proper bad girl shenanigans.”

“I’m still not over the fact that you once completely seriously used the phrase _bad girl shenanigans_ ,” Bobbi added, completely unhelpfully. 

“Shenanigans?” Yoyo asked.

Jemma put her head in her hands. Why had she ever brought this up?

* * *

“Wait, so you made the first move? Both times?” Hunter asked.

Fitz leaned back in his seat on the couch and absently traced the mouth of his beer bottle with his index finger. “I mean, I suppose so. But she did put the ball in my court first.”

Hunter looked up to the ceiling and raised his hands up like he was praying. “Fitz, you absolute beauty! I didn’t think you had it in you.”

Fitz scratched the back of his neck. “Uhh, thank you? I guess?”

Mack chuckled, taking a drink from his beer. “You’re real weird, Hunter. You know that?” 

Hunter considered the comment for a moment, as if deciding on an answer. “I choose to take that as a compliment,” he finally landed on, before turning back to Fitz (much to the latter’s dismay). “Okay, but. The sex. Fitz, I have to know. How was it?”

Fitz banged his head against the couch back.

* * *

“Did you, you know…”

“What?” Jemma looked truly befuddled for a moment, before she finally deciphered Daisy’s vague language and strange hand signals. “Oh, did I have an orgasm?”

“Always direct, you are.”

“As a matter of fact, Fitz was quite concerned about that. So I did. Twice.”

“Twice?” Daisy asked, eyes wide. “How did that happen?”

Now it was Jemma’s turn to be awkward and vague. “He – well, he…”

“Talked nerdy to you? Okay, fine, no. He used – oh my god, he went down on you.” Simmons nodded sheepishly.

Bobbi whistled. “I’m impressed.”

“Now, being good with his hands I could have guessed, but being good with his–“

Daisy frantically put a hand up to stop Simmons from finishing her sentence. “No, no, I don’t need to know that. I have gotten plenty of information out of this. Fitz is also my friend so I really, really don’t need to know.”

“Well, you keep pushing for all this information and then when I give it you don’t want it!” Jemma exclaimed, flustered and more than a little irritated. Simmons glared at Daisy, and there was a beat of silence. 

“Okay. I have no idea what you are talking about,” Yoyo finally interjected. “This was not in the Beginner’s English handbook.”

Suddenly the tension in the room was broken and all four women were laughing so much they could hardly breathe; Daisy was effectively rolling around on the floor, Bobbi and Yoyo clung to each others’ chairs, and Jemma was hunched over, clutching her stomach. They finally settled down, and then Daisy said, “Do you think that could count as my ab workout for tomorrow? I really don’t want to do any more of May’s weird crunches.” And they were laughing all over again.

Once they finally calmed down, for good this time, Daisy placed a hand on Jemma’s arm. “Seriously, Jemma. I’ve been waiting for this day basically since I met you. I am the captain of this ship.”

Jemma smirked. “You might have to fight Fitz’s mum for that title, honestly.” 

“If it means meeting the amazing single mother who bravely raised that walking grump, I will gladly let a middle-aged Scottish woman beat me up.”

“I’ve heard wonderful things about Mary Fitz,” Bobbi said. At Jemma’s puzzled look, she just shrugged. “Fitz and I spent a lot of time in rehab together.”

Jemma had quite a lot of questions on that front, but thought better of asking them. There would be plenty of time later, she realized. For now, it was girls’ night. So she said, “Mary Fitz is a saint,” and left it at that. 

“Honestly, though, Jemma,” Daisy said, “was it good? Would you do it again?”

“What, sex with Fitz? Yes. Absolutely,” Jemma responded, blushing slightly at how quickly she answered.

“Are you happy?”

With those words, a warm smile overtook Jemma’s face, and Daisy could have sworn her eyes were actually sparkling. Jemma closed her eyes briefly and sighed contentedly before answering. “I’ve never been happier in my life.”

“In that case…” Daisy said, putting a hand on each of Jemma’s shoulders, using a serious voice but fighting a smile, “this is the best day of my life.”

* * *

Hunter looked at Fitz seriously. “This is the best day of my life.”

Fitz smiled slightly, then picked the Xbox controller back up. “Can we move on now? I want to hear about Mack and Yoyo.”

“ _What_??” Hunter exclaimed, immediately shifting his attention to Mack, who shot a look at Fitz that very clearly said _Gee, thanks, Turbo_. Fitz grimaced apologetically and Lincoln just laughed. 

Joey rubbed his hands together excitedly. “Ooh, I wanna hear this. I’ve heard some from Elena, but I want to hear it from you.”

“Don’t get too excited,” Mack muttered, “you’re next.”

Hunter ignored Mack’s comment, merely looking at him with wide eyes. “Explain.”

* * *

“Fitzsimmons had sex in Bucharest,” May said drily. She leaned against Coulson’s desk, careful to avoid bumping into the open bottle of scotch that they were currently sharing.

“Oh, I know,” Coulson laughed. “They finally got it together. It only took what, twelve years?”

May raised an eyebrow. “You going to say anything to them about it?”

“Nah,” Coulson mused, swirling his drink. “I think they're afraid I'm gonna pull out that ancient Section 17 rule on them, so I’m going to make them suffer for a little bit longer, trying to figure out if I know or not.”

“Cold.”

“Oh, come on, it's not like I would _actually_ do that. Can’t the director of SHIELD have a little fun now and then?” 

May smirked, taking a sip of her drink. “You’ve got a strange idea of what fun is, Phil.”

Coulson cracked a smile. “You’re the one who started calling them the kids. Sometimes you’ve just gotta dad ‘em.” He finished off his scotch in one big gulp and set his tumbler down on the desk, picking up the fifth and pouring himself another glass. "And anyway, I'll make it up to them. Maybe we should throw a party."

"Fitz would kill you."

"But I'm his boss," Coulson said, lifting the glass to his mouth with a satisfied look on his face, "so there's nothing he can do about it."

"I repeat: you've got a strange idea of what fun is," May deadpanned, but Coulson caught a brief glint of amusement flash in her eyes when she took a sip of her drink.

"Oh please, May, I know you're loving this." Coulson's eyes crinkled as he smiled mischievously. “So. How long do you think I should keep them going for?”


End file.
